It seems that everyone feels entitled to something these days, whether it be a big screen tv, a new car every 2 years or “free” healthcare from the government. Case in point–the internets are flush with ideas what to do with billions of “free” government dollars other than bailing corporations out. The most widely published scheme that I’ve seen involves giving the $85 billion AIG bailout money to the taxpayers instead. Nevermind the fact that the AIG money is going to come from…wait for it…the taxpayers in the form of taxes or inflation. The author of this idea proposes that we “bailout” every American citizen over the age of 18 by giving them an equal share of the money which he wrongly computes to equal about $425,000 each. The actual figure (85 billion divided by 200 million) is closer to a whopping $425 each. Get out your calculator and confirm the math if you feel the need.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather just go to work for a few days and earn myself some $425 than to have the government raise my taxes or inflate every single one of my more than $425 dollars so that they can “give” me money that already belongs to me. I also feel the very unsocialist need to point out that all taxpayers are not created equally. While one person may contribute heavily to the tax system and “deserve” the whole $425 and then some, another person may be, basically, a leech on society who deserves an extra $425 like I deserve my own private yacht. It’s so very noble and socialist to agree to give away other people’s money. However, we rarely see socialists agreeing to give away large chunks of their own money. There’s a reason for this. Socialism is inherently unhuman. It’s a great idea to take care of the less fortunate, however, humans are born with an innate sense of selfishness. It ensures our survival. Trying to ignore that is like trying to ignore a bad case of diarrhea–you’ll end up with a stinking mess in your pants either way.

Instead of spending our time thinking up ways to spend the bailout money, we should be thinking of ways to not “need” bailouts in the first place–namely, let the banks fail and the stock market take a hit. That will teach the greediest corporate types a much more serious lesson than bailing them out ever will.